The Money Couple Minute:
Five Money Relationship Mistakes and Solutions: Part 2
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In our last Money Couple Minute, we talked about the money relationship mistakes couples make. There is a financial component to almost every decision we make as a couple - let’s learn how to make the financial communication the best so your financial relationship will be the best. This week, we’ll talk you through the solutions that can get your financial relationship back on track. Mistake #1: Letting curiosity die out Solution: Get to know each other all over again So many couples make the mistake of letting their curiosity about each other die out. They stop learning new things about each other and that’s when the cycle of blame, frustration, and conflict kicks into high gear, especially when it comes to finances. We’ve found that every person has a Money Personality, a unique approach to thinking about and dealing with money. When couples know their Money Personalities, they can avoid so many of the misunderstandings that lead to financial conflict. |
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Solution: Commit to a Money Huddle
One of the biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to money is to worry and obsess about finances to the point where it becomes all-consuming. That’s why we advise couples to plan regular conversations about their finances. We call them Money Huddles because they’re an opportunity to talk through your financial game plan. Set aside some time each month to look over your budget, pay bills, and dream about the future. Regular Money Huddles give couples a place to talk through their financial concerns and find ways to work through them together. And that means a lot less worry.
Mistake #3: Giving up
Solution: Learn to fight FAIR
For so many couples, money conversations quickly turn into money conflict. After a while, they just stop talking about money because it’s easier to give up than keep fighting. We help couples learn how to make their financial conflicts work for them by Fighting FAIR:
F: Forgive - Commit to future financial communication through Money Huddles.
A: Assess - Know your Money Personalities and how they impact your ideas about money.
I: Input - Focus on offering solutions, not just talking about problems.
R: Respect - Show your partner respect by being willing to compromise.
Mistake #4: Keeping money secrets
Solution: Put an end to financial infidelity
When couples keep money secrets, they are committing something we call “financial infidelity.” Breaking out of that infidelity starts with a commitment from both partners to be honest, forgive, and start fresh. You can get there by looking at the ways financial infidelity might be infecting your relationship. And be prepared to come clean about any money secrets you’ve been keeping, analyze why you kept money secrets in the first place, and determine together how to stop it. Don’t forget to know and own your Money Personalities and how they played in to the financial infidelity. It won’t be easy, but it’s the only way to rebuild trust - and your relationship.
Mistake #5: Letting go of hope
Solution: Hold on to hope
If you’re willing to make some changes in the way you and your partner communicate about money, you can build a solid financial relationship. We’ve seen couples come back from the brink of divorce when they are both willing stop making these mistakes and commit to finding a better way to talk about money. So don't give up! Talk to your partner, make changes, and your hope will be contagious!
Make It Happen!
Scott and Bethany Palmer
The Money Couple
Money Huddle Tip: Figure out which of these mistakes is affecting your relationship the most, then commit to the solution. Work on it for the next month.
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