The Money Couple Minute - Can Your Relationship Handle a Money Nag?

Nagging. We all do it, whether it's a little reminder about picking up his laundry, a subtle mention that she still hasn't paid that bill, a nightly hint about washing the dishes. Being on the receiving end of another person's persistent fault-finding always feels lousy. That's especially true when it comes to nagging about finances.

Because money impacts every part of our lives, someone reminding us of our money failures - the big ones and the little ones - feels personal. To really deal with financial conflict, couples need to stop nagging each other and figure out what's really behind all that complaining. Here are three options:

1. One partner doesn't feel heard. If you find yourself constantly needling your partner about money, step back and ask yourself what you really want to say. Chances are, you feel like your partner doesn't listen to your fears or concerns about finances and nagging seems like the only way to get your feelings heard. Understanding your Money Personality will help you see how you and your partner can have such different ideas about money. Once you see that these differences don't have to get in the way, try starting fresh. Say something like, "I feel like I nag you about our money all the time and you probably don't like that. I'm sorry. I have some concerns about our money and I'd like to talk with you about them this week."



2. There's a lack of trust. We tend to nag when we worry that the other person isn't going to take care of an issue on their own. And that suggests a lack of trust. If you've got actual reasons to distrust your partner when it comes to money, it's time to get to the root of this problem and talk about what happened and how you can work together to get back on track. But keep in mind that just because one of you likes to spend money (the Spender) and one likes to save it (the Saver), that doesn't mean you can't trust each other. It means you need to practice strong financial communication, set realistic expectations for your finances, and stay committed to your Money Huddle.



3. You have a bad track record. There are times when one partner's financial fears are based on the other person's mistakes. But if you want to move forward, you have to muster up the grace to forgive that mistake and start over. Reminding your partner about that bad real estate deal from 10 years ago doesn't help anyone. You have to let it go.

Money Huddle Tip: In your next Money Huddle, make a commitment to put an end to nagging each other about money. Instead of nagging, write out your financial concerns and agree to focus on two of those concerns for the next few months. Once those fears are out in the open and you have a plan for addressing them, you'll find there's no more need to nag.