The Money Couple - Helping Couples Work Through Financial Infidelity
Scott and Bethany Palmer are financial communication experts specializing in helping couples work through financial infidelity. Scott and Bethany are also the authors of the highly successful book Cents and Sensibility.Too often, money management gurus advocate a specific type of financial lifestyle that is highly impractical for most American families. Money is not a one-size-fits-all topic. In their groundbreaking first book, the Palmers established themselves as America's Money Couple by focusing on the unique "money personalities" that drive financial behavior. By understanding a person's unique approach to money, they can better communicate about and manage money-especially when it comes to communicating to a spouse or partner about money.
The runaway success of Cents and Sensibility resulted in a major book, television, and radio deal for their follow-up, First Comes Love, Then Comes Money, which focuses on financial infidelity in relationships.
Financial Infidelity
In the course of their careers, the Palmers have counseled thousands of couples through serious money problems and crises. Over thousands of hours of research, one key problem bubbled to the surface: most people lie about money to their significant other. This problem is best described in the introduction to First Comes Love, Then Comes Money:
Most of us hide some financial indiscretions from our partners. Things like:
- A hidden checking account
- A secret credit card
- Little things you buy here-and-there
- Shopping binges disguised as routine expenses
- Impulse purchases that you "need"
At first, it seems manageable. You can handle the double-financial life. It's not hard to become a really good at rationalizing your behavior. After all, you deserve all the things you are buying. You-special little you-are entitled to behave this way. Remember that little fire, it's a little bigger now-and it's taking more time and energy to hide it from your partner. Now, you fight more than ever about money issues. You have to-or your secrets might come out.
It's not long before your infidelity has taken over your life. You're spending what seems like all of your time talking about money, fighting about money, and crying about money. Maybe you've read some self-help books or listened to the latest financial guru on the radio. None of the systems work. Your fire's bigger, hotter, and actually destroying things now.
At this point, you feel like nothing will work. You hate talking about money, and it never comes up without a big, costly, blow-up. Your fire-once manageable and cozy-is now an out-of-control bonfire threatening to destroy your relationship with the person you love the most. Guess what, you are what is on fire now, and your infidelity is using your relationship as the fuel to grow.
Financial infidelity is seen every day in America-particularly in the break-up of our country's marriages. Some of the most important research suggests:
- 51 percent of all US marriages end in divorce, top three causes: money, communication, lack of commitment.
- A third of couples polled said that a lack of financial responsibility hurt their relationships more than their significant other being unfaithful.
- 75 percent of US divorced couples cite money as the cause of their martial fighting.
To combat financial infidelity, the Palmers have developed the FRI (Financial Relationship Index). This 20-question assessment quickly diagnoses the level of financial infidelity in a relationship. Using the resources provided in First Comes Love, Then Comes Money, couples can work together to establish good communication patterns and overcome money problems in their relationship.
