The Money Couple Minute - Stop Money Fights Before They Start

According to a recent study at Utah State University, couples who reported disagreeing about finance once a week were 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples who said they argued about finances a few times a month.

Conflict is simply part of being in a relationship. But money arguments, more than any other kind of conflict, seem to break into the foundations of a relationship in ways that can be deeply destructive. In fact, the Utah study found that out of everything couples fight about, money fights were the best predictors of divorce.

That's because disputes over money nearly always have to do with clashes in Money Personalities. So when your partner gets angry about your latest purchase or you blow up over your partner's tightwad ways, it feels personal. But it doesn't have to be that way. It is possible to talk about your finances-even fight over them-without hurting each other. It starts by finding out what your partner is thinking.

Decreasing the intensity and frequency of your money fights starts with something we call a Money Dump. This process helps you learn more about your partner's financial concerns, uncover the hidden challenges that are making money an issue in your relationship, and find ways to move forward together.

Start your Money Dump by getting a sheet of paper-you'll each need one-and dividing it down the middle. On one side, write PROS and on the other, write CONS. Then start dumping!

D: Do it by yourself. The Dump only works if you are totally honest, so don't do your lists together. Find a time when you can be alone and really lay out your strengths and concerns.

U: Understand the financial pros and cons in your relationship. Even if you seem to have nothing but trouble when it comes to money, there have to be some pros. Maybe you both have secure jobs. That's a pro. If you are able to pay your rent or your mortgage, that's a pro. If you worry about your retirement savings, that's a con. Really think about your financial life and assess what's working and what isn't.

M: Meet together. Start your conversation by reading your PROS lists. This will get you off to a positive start.

P: Pick two CONS each from your list and your partner's list. Out of these four, choose two you can really focus on for the next six months. Map out a plan for dealing with these issues.

By being intentional about addressing these areas of financial stress, you get them out in the open and start dealing with them. Bringing these problems into the light of day and working together to solve them will help stop money fights before they begin.

Money Huddle Tip: Hang on to your Money Dump lists. Start each Money Huddle by reading one or two of your PROS. Keep your focus on what's working!